The following is from a talk given by Jeff Pollard at the recent White Unto Harvest Conference. These desires, these prayers, these resolutions – they have stuck with me and driven me to prayer. This is the kind of man I want to become. What about you? What are you hoping God will do in your life over the coming months?

I want to worship my God more fervently.

I want to pray to my God more earnestly.

I want to seek my God more persistently.

I want to thank God more frequently.

I want to know Christ more profoundly

I want to love Christ more passionately.

I want to cherish the work of Christ more feelingly.

I want to take up Christ’s cross more willingly.

I want to obey Christ more joyfully.

I want to serve Christ more zealously.

I want to preach Christ more powerfully.

I want to love what Christ loves more wholeheartedly.

I want to hate what Christ hates more fiercely.

I want to experience the Holy Spirit for fully.

I want the filling of the Holy Spirit more repeatedly.

I want to study the Word of God more prayerfully.

I want to understand the Word of God more deeply.

I want to teach the Word of God more clearly.

I want to apply the Word of God more practically.

I want to love my wife like Christ more self-sacrificingly.

I want to speak to my wife more gently.

I want to live God’s truth before my children more faithfully.

I want to know Christ’s sheep under my watch more intimately.

I want to serve Christ’s sheep under my watch more humbly.

I want to keep my word more consistently.

I want to spread the gospel of Christ more widely.

I want to deal with my sins more honestly.

I want to confess my sins more comprehensively.

I want to repent of my sins more frequently.

I want to mortify my sins more thoroughly.

I want to hate my sins more violently.

I want to resist temptation to sin more forcefully.

I want to resist the devil more courageously.

I want to be more godly.

I want to be less worldly.

I want to be more holy.

I want to think more biblically.

I want to speak more graciously.

I want to deny myself more completely.

I want to love more selflessly.

I want to forgive more quickly.

I want to ask forgiveness more regularly.

I want to give more cheerfully.

I want to be like Jesus.

Therefore, in keeping with the teaching Luke gives here [Acts 6:7-9], let us learn that we constitute a true church of God when we try our best to increase the number of believers. And then each one of us, where we are, will apply all our effort to instructing our neighbors and leading them to the knowledge of God, as much by our words as by our showing them good examples and good behavior…. That is not said only to preachers and those who expound the word of God.  It is the charge of all Christians in general.

- John Calvin, Calvin’s Commentary on Acts

And so, as I’m rededicating myself to the life-giving rhythms of liturgical prayer, I’m reposting something I wrote almost three years ago – mainly as a reminder to me, but also as an encouragement to whomever might stumble across this poor, neglected blog.

I Couldn’t Seem to Pray Anymore

Much of my spiritual growth had taken place in a very typical evangelical setting, in which spontaneous, free prayers were valued and written prayer was held in suspicion. There was also a little mix of charismatic influence, in which the louder and more forcefully you prayed, the more spiritual you were. That was my story for a long time – seeking to be a pastor who could really pray (which was generally understood to be the ability to pray loud, long, spontaneous prayers).

You know what I’m talking about, don’t you? You’ve been in these contexts – people start quietly, slowly gaining momentum as the words continue to flow. The tone of voice becomes more sing-songy and the volume increases as request is piled upon request, supplication upon supplication. In my world, when someone could really pray it was an experience that seemed to pull in everyone in the room, sweeping them into what was slow escalating into a spiritual frenzy.

This was what I knew prayer to be. I read books about it. I listened to instructional messages. I got around people who prayed in this way. It was great - until it wasn’t.

Several years ago, I went through what has been the most challenging season of my life – planting a church had worn me out physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I found myself restless and lethargic at the same time, wanting desperately to see changes happen inside and around me but lacking the drive to do much more than go through the motions of the day.

I tried to pray, but more often then not I simply couldn’t find words beyond, “God, please help”. The words simply wouldn’t come, let alone the “feeling” that I thought you were supposed to feel if you were really praying. The emotion, affection, and passion were nowhere to be found, no matter how hard I tried I simply couldn’t stir them up inside myself. I, a pastor/church planter/spiritual leader/man learning to really pray, simply couldn’t seem to pray anymore.

How A Reformed Baptist Came to Love Liturgical Prayer

Last week, I shared the beginnings of my story with prayer – and how the world of spontaneous, prayer-louder-prayer-harder-pray-more prayers left me empty.

In the midst of my struggle to pray, I was read Lauren Winner’s memoir called Girl Meets God. In the book, Winner describes her journey from being an observant, Orthodox Jew to becoming a Christian. As I read about both her Jewish life and the nature of the Christian faith she embraced (Lauren became part of the Anglican Church) I found myself longing for something in what she was describing – Tradition.

That’s Tradition with a capital “T” – not empty traditionalism (which has been described as the dead faith of the living) but to be part of the greater Tradition of Christian history (the living faith of the dead). And as I discovered liturgical prayer, that’s exactly what I found… as I prayed these prayers (using the Book of Common Prayer) I was joining my voice with Christians all over the world who prayed these same words – morning, noon, and evening.

The words were not original to me – far from it. (In fact, most of what is said during liturgical prayer is either a direct quote or a faithful summation of Scripture). Sometimes I felt the weight of what I was saying, other times I didn’t -but I learned to pray the words anyway, knowing that they were not any more or less faithful and true when my emotions were there or when they weren’t.

Suddenly, my prayer life was alive again. As I used these great prayers of the faith my heart was comforted to know that I didn’t have to reinvent my faith anew each morning – I was part of a long tradition of God’s people who had faithfully prayed these prayers for generations before me. People who suffered more than I did, people who were stronger than I was, people with doubts greater than mine, people younger than me, people older than me – we all joined together in worship, confession, and praise. I was praying with people I would never meet. I was praying with those who had died long before I was born, and I knew that I was praying with those who will be born long after I die.

I’m not saying that this is the only way to pray – that simply isn’t true. But it is a beautiful and helpful way to pray, one that God used to renew and restore me at my darkest point.

There are pitfalls to be sure – it’s easy to simply read the words on a page and not actually pray, but that’s true of any kind of prayer isn’t it? Written or spontaneous, we have to guard ourselves to keep our hearts, minds, and prayers connected.

I don’t pray this way all the time – sometimes it’s spontaneous conversation with God throughout the day, sometimes it’s silent meditation, sometimes it’s another book of prayers like Valley of Vision… but it forms the rhythm of my prayers. It’s like the underlying beat upon which the rest of the notes of my prayer life build – a steady, ongoing pattern of morning, noon, evening. Morning, noon, evening. Morning, noon, evening.

And so today, I begin again… resetting the metronome of my prayer life.

A few weeks ago, on Tuesday, August 21 we had out home study, which is the last stage before you are approved and the agency begins to show your profile to potential birthmoms. When our social worker left that Tuesday, we were expecting it to be at least several months, if not longer, before anything happened.

God had other plans.

Thursday afternoon we received a phone call from our agency. A mother had called them that morning from the hospital, having just given birth the day before (August 22). She wanted to give the baby up for adoption immediately. Our social worker called us and told us about the situation, and asked us to pray about becoming this little boy’s family. As you can imagine, we were initially in shock… this was happening FAST!

After praying and talking all afternoon and late into the night that Thursday, we felt a great peace about it – we were going to adopt this baby boy. He was discharged on Friday evening, and we had the joy of welcoming our third child into the family – Isaiah William Streger.

We are completely overwhelmed with how God orchestrated this entire series of events. The past few weeks have been a blur of excitement and adjustment, and we have loved every minute of it. Isaiah is wonderful, and I am so thankful God has given him to be my son. This is a big deal for our family, so would you please be praying for us right now? Please be praying for:

• a smooth transition with Mirabelle and Levi – they LOVE Isaiah, but it is still a big adjustment for both of them.
• great bonding between Shannon and Isaiah, that he would know her as momma very quickly and feel secure and loved in our home
• Financial provision – the cost of this adoption will be around $20,000, and we are confident God will provide for us.
• That Isaiah will be strong and healthy, with no major health problems to work through
• That Christ would be glorified through the miraculous story of Isaiah coming into our family.

Our Kaleo family has been amazing – bringing meals, buying diapers and formula, and offering to help however we need. Our parents have been such a blessing as well – they handled the (sudden!) news that they were going to have a new grandson in less than 24 hours with a lot of grace, and have gone above and beyond to help our family make this transition. (The grandmas are pretty smitten with him…)

We are so grateful for this tremendous blessing God has given us – thank you for praying for us and praising God with us!

Thanks to the recommendation of Joe Thorn, I’ve been reading through Power Through Prayer by E.M. Bounds. It is having much the same affect on me that it has had on Joe: “The past few days reading this work have wrecked and (hopefully) begun to rebuild me in critical ways.” While it is useful for any Christian, his words have a unique force for those of us called to pastoral ministry. I’m reminded of the way God stirred my heart at the 2011 Desiring God Pastors’ Conference, and I’m convicted of how far I have to grow in prayer. Lord, help me.

Here are a few quotes from the highlights I’ve made while reading on my Kindle:

The other tendency is to thoroughly popularize the ministry. He is no longer God’s man, but a man of affairs, of the people. He prays not, because his mission is to the people. If he can move the people, create an interest, a sensation in favor of religion, an interest in Church work — he is satisfied. His personal relation to God is no factor in his work. Prayer has little or no place in his plans. The disaster and ruin of such a ministry cannot be computed by earthly arithmetic. What the preacher is in prayer to God, for himself, for his people, so is his power for real good to men, so is his true fruitfulness, his true fidelity to God, to man, for time, for eternity.

If you as ministers are not very prayerful, you are to be pitied. If you become lax in sacred devotion, not only will you need to be pitied but your people also, and the day cometh in which you shall be ashamed and confounded. All our libraries and studies are mere emptiness compared with our closets.

Prayer is no petty duty, put into a corner; no piecemeal performance made out of the fragments of time which have been snatched from business and other engagements of life; but it means that the best of our time, the heart of our time and strength must be given. It does not mean the closet absorbed in the study or swallowed up in the activities of ministerial duties; but it means the closet first, the study and activities second, both study and activities freshened and made efficient by the closet.

PRAYER, in the preacher’s life, in the preacher’s study, in the preacher’s pulpit, must be a conspicuous and an all-impregnating force and an all-coloring ingredient. It must play no secondary part, be no mere coating. To him it is given to be with his Lord.

Constant noise, interruption and drivenness to be more productive cut us off from or at least interrupt the direct experience of God and other human beings, and this is more isolating than we realize. Because we are experiencing less meaningful and divine connection, we are emptier relationally, and we try harder and harder to fill that loneliness with even more noise and stimulation. In so doing we lose touch with the quieter and more subtler experiences of God within.

This is a vicious cycle indeed.

- Ruth Hayley Barton, Sacred Rhythms

- John Frame, The Doctrine of God (p. 277)

Oh! men and brethren, what would this heart feel if I could but believe that there were some among you who would go home and pray for a revival—men whose faith is large enough, and their love fiery enough to lead them from this moment to exercise unceasing intercessions that God would appear among us and do wondrous things here, as in the times of former generations.

– C. H. Spurgeon

God, please raise up these men in Kaleo Church. Please raise them up in churches across our city…

One of my favorite images of what this is like comes from David Allen, the author of Getting Things Done (which if you haven’t read, you should repent and do so immediately). He says that we let things (like email specifically) build up, and the longer we do the grosser it feels. It’s like not brushing your teeth – how long can you go before the ICK factor catches up with you? Every gone three days without brushing your teeth? Hopefully, no.

Email can build up like that. But it doesn’t have to. And it shouldn’t.

Enter Inbox Zero.

Inbox Zero is a philosophy, a mantra, and a way of life all rolled up into one. Introduced by Merlin Mann, it’s a really common-sense way to bring sanity to your inbox. If you find yourself overwhelmed by your inbox, using your inbox as a to-do list and calendar, or find yourself not responding to people for days (or weeks!), you need to check it out.

Start here for a great collection of resources – both print and the infamous Google Talk that really got things rolling for me. If you want a shorter summary of the philosophy, try this great article from Matt Perman.

During the season of Lent, we’ve called Kaleo to seek revival and spiritual renewal in our lives, our families, our church, and our city. We’re studying revival together, we’re fasting, we’re praying… we’re asking God to move in our midst in powerful ways. Would you join us in this prayer – asking God to do the same in your context?

I love the challenge behind OneCry – calling each of us to:

1. Turn in humble repentance from every sin God reveals to us.
2. Pray with urgency for spiritual recovery and awakening.
3. Unite with other believers in spreading the hope of Christ-centered revival.

Here’s a great video summarizing what the cry of my heart is right now: